Two Donuts, One Car

For your amusement, an item from today's Toronto Star:

Man steals donuts, car

A craving for a sweet treat and a joyride appears to be the motive behind a vehicle theft at a north-end donut shop earlier this morning.

Police responded to a call for a stolen vehicle just after 5 a.m. this morning at a Coffee Time at Credistone Rd. and Hwy. 7.

Police said witnesses reported the man reached over the counter, grabbed two donuts and fled the shop, driving off in a vehicle left idling outside.

Police did not identify the make and model of the car, nor the flavour and freshness of the stolen donuts (emphasis mine).

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God, I love Canadian police sometimes.

Rampage in Milton

So, I shouldn't mock the, clearly, emotionally unbalanced, but I will anyway. In truth, I am really mocking the reporting of said incident, but the incident itself is pretty crazy. Ah, Canadians in the winter...

Here is a news item from today's Star:

Two Hurt in Samurai sword rampage

Dec 03, 2007 08:33 AM

Tamsyn Burgmann
STAFF REPORTER

Police arrested a woman in Milton last night after two people were slashed with a samurai sword.

Halton police said the incident began in a man’s apartment across the street from the Petro Canada Service Centre at Steeles Ave. E. and Martin St. They said the victim was having an argument with his girlfriend when she grabbed a sword that was on display in the apartment and struck him on the shoulder, arm and head. When the victim’s brother heard the commotion, police say he told the woman to leave. That’s when investigators say she headed across the street to the gas station and began smashing windows.

“Anytime someone’s running around with a sword, you can imagine (they’ve) taken (the dispute) to another level,” said Staff Sgt. Larry Masson. A window and two glass doors in the gas station had been shattered, as were the windows of a car parked outside. An off-duty firefighter who was pumping gas was cut on the arm when he tried to intervene, and was rushed to Hamilton General Hospital.

As police arrived at 8:45 p.m., gas station employees overpowered the woman. She was taken to Oakville Trafalgar Memorial Hospital to be treated for injuries. Her boyfriend was treated at Milton District Hospital for non-life-threatening injuries.

Charges are pending.

Let's take a closer look at my favorite part of this story: “Anytime someone’s running around with a sword, you can imagine (they’ve) taken (the dispute) to another level,” said Staff Sgt. Larry Masson. really, Sgt. Masson? I didn't know that. That explains a lot about the mysteries of the ages. Henry V was just taking the dispute to another level. Clears things up, for me anyway. Honestly, I think going across the street, smashing up a gas station, and attacking an off-duty fireman is 'taking it to another level,' but I'm not in law enforcement, so what do I know?

Hortons clerks nab axe robber

This is direct from the Canadian Press:

MONTREAL – An axe-wielding masked man who attempted to rob a Montreal-area doughnut shop didn't get any coffee but he did get creamed.

Montreal police say the 18-year-old man entered a Tim Hortons outlet in suburban Pointe-Claire just after midnight and threatened the woman behind the counter with his axe.

Const. Olivier Lapointe says the masked man demanded money and was starting to scoop up the cash when another female employee working in the kitchen showed up.

With the help of three customers, the clerks jumped the suspect, took away his axe, wrestled him to the ground and recovered the money.

When police arrived at the Tim Hortons after getting a 911 call, the man was still being held down by the customers.

No one was injured, but the suspect will face charges of robbery and assault with a weapon.